It’s Eurovision week, which eclipses everything else newsworthy, so here’s my rundown:

• The opening was strong. The intro to Cyprus is basically “Anywhere” by Rita Ora. Albania: also good, but also the same costumes back-to-back. Israel was a bad version of “Levitating”. Russia won on the costume front, Jami and I deemed it to be a Slavic Missy Elliot song.

• The UK’s entry was the first dud, sorry. It was a good run up until that point.

• Greece: didn’t care much for the green screen, and in future years I think I’ll just listen to Loreen instead. In fact: replace every song with Loreen.

• I drew Switzerland for the party I was at, by which I mean I was allowed to choose Switzerland. I knew nothing about the act ahead of time. I knew nothing about any of the acts, but I chose well. I am generally anti-ballad at Eurovision, but this was good. Gabe and I independently agreed that it’s a Radiohead song, so it must be true.

• A brief rundown of the others — Iceland: my winners, France: dull, Germany: please stop, Ukraine: certified banger, Lithuania: Sainsbury’s Basics Hot Chip.

• The scoring: brutal. I’m a big fan, we were screaming.